A definition of success we can all work with

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Many people think, talk, and write about success all the time. But have you ever seen a precise definition?

It’s easy to say “success is relative,” and in a sense that’s true. We all want different things from life. But this isn’t a very useful insight. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a single way to define and measure success that we could each use in our personal and professional lives?

Success, defined

Two years ago I attended a personal development seminar at the Academy for Coaching Excellence. That weekend, I learned this definition of success:

Success is doing what you said you would do, consistently, with clarity, focus, ease, and grace.

This definition comes from my now mentor Maria Nemeth (elaborated in a great book called Mastering Life’s Energies). Since that seminar, I’ve been using Maria’s definition as a guide for both myself and my coaching clients. It’s become something I live, and it will change you if you let it.

Let’s look at each component:

Doing what you said you would do means fulfilling a promise you made to yourself about something you’re willing to do. Once you promise something it creates a gap between vision and reality — a tension that will only resolve when you do the thing.

Consistently means steadily over time. Imagine how — if you consistently did what you said you would do — you could look at your life in any moment and know you’re doing exactly what you came here to do.

Wouldn’t that be fulfilling? It is, especially when done with clarity, focus, ease, and grace.

Clarity means seeing what is important to you. Most of us run around reacting to life as the years fly by. The first step toward success is pausing long enough to clarify your intentions for life and set meaningful goals that reflect those intentions.

Focus means using your energy on the things that are most important to you. It’s not enough to just be clear — you have to then focus your energy on actions that move you toward your goals. Focus allows for sustained progress and fewer distractions.

Ease means taking things step by step, so you can move forward with elegance instead of struggle. Yes, it’s possible to work hard with ease! It just means you end your day satisfied and tired (vs. overwhelmed and wondering where the time went).

Grace comes from being grateful, no matter the situation. When we’re aware of the unearned and unexpected blessings all around us, we can relax and enjoy the journey.

Successful people agree

I love Maria’s definition of success because it acknowledges that we do want different things from life, and we get to “say” what we’re going to do.

But it also offers a roadmap to success in the traditional sense. It points to a shared set of skills that most “successful” people have.

Think about someone you consider successful. Do they have a clear, compelling vision and the ability to follow through with their plans? Do they do what they said they would do, consistently? Are they able to focus their energy and take things step by step, all with a sense of grace?

I thought about this definition last year when reading James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. I’d call James a successful author and entrepreneur. He published a New York Times bestseller that everyone’s talking about, has a huge following, and gets invited to give keynotes on personal development.

But here’s the thing — James is just a guy who started writing about habits (very consistently) back in 2012. He’s clearly smart, but he doesn’t have some special training or background the rest of us are missing. I admire his work but even more so his story, because it’s clear he became a successful author by developing a vision and consistently showing up for it.

Look around at the people you admire and I bet you’ll start to see how they’re living this definition of success. Here are some examples of other successful people I follow:

• My brother Macky became a successful professional mountain biker by envisioning life as a sponsored athlete and sticking with his plans at each step of the way — whether that was physical training or building his YouTube audience.

• Bernie Sanders became a senator and successful politician by running campaign after campaign with a consistent message, entering races from local offices up to the presidency.

• Alex Honnold became the world’s most successful climber — and an action sports icon — be setting increasingly audacious goals and focus his energy on scoring them, one by one.

In each case they developed a compelling vision, set stretch goals, focused their energy on the most important things, and — step by step — consistently did what they said they would do.

By saying “success is relative,” we often dismiss the idea that it can be defined. We remain vague or look away. Maria’s definition helps us see an approach to life — and a set of skills — shared by many of the successful people we admire.

Putting success into practice

As an avid rock climber, I used to think success meant accomplishing some challenging objective or being sponsored and famous. When I looked back on my athletic career those are the measures I would have used.

But my approach shifted when I started applying Maria’s definition of success. Looking more closely, I saw that — for me — being a successful climber is about regularly bumping up against my physical, mental, and emotional limits. It’s about stretching beyond what I think is possible and learning something new. As long as I’m doing that, I’m getting what I want out of the sport.

By being clear, I’m better able to focus my climbing around trips and objectives that are meaningful to me. I don’t spend time in climbing gyms competing, for example, because I’m too busy questing up challenging routes in Yosemite.

I learned to take things step by step, which gives me a sense of ease instead of struggle. And when my plans fall apart due to bad weather or injury, I respond with more grace than I used to. I’m grateful for the journey with all its ups and downs.

Unsurprisingly, taking this approach to climbing has helped me enjoy the sport even more than I used to. But it’s also helped me more consistently accomplish routes and goals that other people would probably identify as “success.” As I focus less external validation — and more on doing what I said I would do consistently — I become more successful from the outside as well.

What will you consistently promise and follow through with? What would it be like to bring more clarity, focus, ease, and grace to your pursuits?

Try on Maria’s definition of success, and I look forward to hearing what you find.